New Year's Resolutions

New Year’s resolutions. We've all made them. Some of us have kept them; some of us have not. Every year feels the same way for many of us; a year is a roller coaster of seasons, successes and failures, dreams and dreams deferred piling one on top of another. Anticipation builds and we celebrate the holidays, and then there is conviction. We hear the words “So this is Christmas, and what have you done.” A year has passed and there is a deflated realization that while we have done many things, we have left many things undone. Facing a new year fills many of us with reflection, which can lead to feelings of remorse and regret. We realize that we’ve broken promises, and in the case of our New Year’s resolutions, we broke promises that we made to ourselves.

My question as we enter this season of newness is this: If we’re so quick to break promises to ourselves, what will keep us from breaking promises to our family and friends? Or, from the other perspective, why is it that we find it so much easier to follow through on things when obligation to another person is involved? The fact is this: We should all make goals. We should all have dreams for our lives, and we should work toward them. We do, however, need to be pragmatic in our approach toward our goals and approach ourselves with the right balance of tough love and forgiveness. In this post, you will absolutely see me reference tools that help me stay on track with things that matter to me. I do not work for these companies and I do not get paid by them. Man, I wish I did!

Stop the All or Nothing Mentality

When I think back to New Year’s resolutions that I’ve made, I realize that I have given up on them too quickly because the end product was not one that I could actually accomplish in a year given my schedule and the demands that are placed on my time and energy. However, in giving up, I failed to see that I WAS making progress. Let’s take losing weight for example. I typically would set an amount and a time frame in which to lose said amount. Typically, the time frame would be too short with too many pounds to lose per week. I couldn’t do it, not even on the best diet. I’d cave. I’d use tools that weren’t compatible with my way of thinking, like Weight Watchers, and I would fail and go back to my old ways. If I couldn’t have it all...if I couldn’t have a Victoria Secret model body, I might as well be my old fat self. What a lie.

I realized that we have to stop giving ourselves end dates when what we are wanting is life changing. People who practice yoga understand this. That’s why they call it a practice. With weight loss, I realized that eating healthy and exercise isn’t something that I should choose to do for six months out the year. I decided to change the way I eat and the amount that I exercise for the rest of my life. I use My Fitness Pal because for me it is much easier and less convoluded than Weight Watchers.

I have also found myself giving up in the area of both reading and writing. There is no question that I prefer to write over reading, but I feel that reading makes you a better writer. I’ve given up so many times with writing. I haven’t finished a novel. I haven’t blogged consistently. I’ve found myself working for content mills that I’ve wanted so desperately to avoid. I’m starting to realize that I have many priorities that come before my writing, but I’ve managed to hold onto it somehow. I just have to see it as a journey, enjoy it and know that it’s a practice.

Hold Yourself Accountable with the How

Another way I feel that we struggle with goals and resolutions is the how. We have high goals and aspirations. I want to be on the New York TImes Bestsellers list. I want a model body. But the how is where the rubber meets the road. I have finally realized that models severely restrict their diets and workout much more than my time allows me. I’m finally, at the age of 31, okay with just being the best physical version of myself. But, even being the best physical version of myself requires a how. It requires effort and diligence and patience.

I’ve realized that writers who find themselves on the NY Bestsellers list WRITE. And they write often; they probably write much more often than this mother/teacher/wife has time to write. And that’s okay. Why am I comparing myself with Suzanne Collins or J.K. Rowling? My life is busy. They are not public school teachers! That being said, if I ever aspire to be that creative or that close to bestsellerhood, I must write. I must stop thinking “I want to be a writer” in my dreams, and start carving out little moments for myself to actually do the writing. I have to DO. I have to be a little hard on myself.

There is a balance between aspiring and focusing in the “WHAT” that you want to achieve and forcing yourself to set those smaller goals in between, essentially creating the roadmap to HOW you are going to get there. You have to do both. I thought I could never run a 5K. I now can, with all confidence say, YES I CAN! You gotta dig deep.

Be Gentle with Yourself

But then what happens when you dig deep and still do not achieve? Then, it’s time to be gentle. Allow yourself to relish into those motivational stories about how many times Babe Ruth struck out and how many times Abe Lincoln screwed up before becoming the leader of the Free World. Reevaluate your goals and the pace at which you’re trying to accomplish them. Cut yourself a little bit of slack. Fall of the wagon. Quit...for a day. And then, try again. Keep trying. If you still want what you said you wanted when you set your goals.

Don’t Give Up

It’s cliche. I know. “Don’t give up!” The thing about giving up is that when you give up on a dream or a goals you break promises to yourself. You let yourself down. For some people, it takes much more strength to follow a personal goal through than it is to take care of others. Moms know this feeling without question. But, think about how much stronger you will be, how much more you will think of yourself and the example you will be setting for your children if you commit to a goal and achieve it.

And pray. Prayer moves mountains.