I've found myself surprisingly having moments of doubt. Doubting everything from my ability to be a good mother and wife to the very existence of God. That has been the worst feeling. The worst, worst feeling. A friend pointed out to me that all I needed to do was look at Creation to see the hand of God. And while that is very true, Creation seems so vast. And science has tried all that it can to boil life into theories and processes and after a while, one can become logical and look at the story of Christ's coming and say "This can't be real."
Do NOT get me wrong; I know that I am blessed. Abundantly blessed. Ridiculously blessed. But it took a personal blessing, a direct present, a completely random, and ridiculous need to be met. I had a dream the other night that I was back on my college campus in the midst of an overwhelming crowd. I was panicked. Chest tight. Palms sweaty. I searched the crowed for someone I knew and I saw my friend Abbie. All I wanted was to make it to her and somehow walk beside of her. Somehow, I wanted to get a hug from her. And I woke up.
Two days later, I get a phone call. It's Abbie. She's on her way South and wonders if she could stop by to visit. To her, I'm sure it was just a brief visit with an old friend, but for me, it was God sending me a hug.
I've had a lot going on in my mind and in my heart and in my life that I could have discussed at length with my friend, who is now an ordained minister. But I didnt' need to. I just needed to see her...and get a hug. I felt warm all over. He sent me an amazing gift. On top of my daily bread, a hot shower, shelter, a loving husband, a fantastic family, and other blessings, He sent me the desires of my heart - a hug from a friend.
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