My heart hurts so much today. I feel so sad. So raw. I feel so irresponsible. I have lost Nathanial's brace. And, that wouldn't be so bad, except that I lost three braces before this one. It's ridiculous. What am I going to do when he has homework to turn in? Can he use the excuse that his lame mother lost it?
This comes with another wave of guilt that I feel shockingly over not being able to breastfeed. For the love of all things good, why do I still feel guilty over not breastfeeding??? I had only planned on breastfeeding until 6 months, thus, I would have weaned him by now anyway.
I believe the guilt comes from this: his arm is not as well as it needs to be. He still can't supinate. He still can't lift it over his head. And we stretch. And we have physical therapy every week. And I lose his braces and I can't breastfeed him to help him along. If only. If only.
So on November 7th, we have another EMG. They will stick two inch needles into my babies arm and he will look at me with anguish as if to say "Why are you letting them do this to me Mama?"
Yep. My heart hurts and I have to ask for prayers.
Blessings,
Sara
No comments:
Post a Comment