THE BIRTH

Many weeks have past since the last time I posted a new blog entry. What happened? Well, around 3:30 am on March 13th, I got up to go to the bathroom and noticed fluid that I had not had before. It wasn't the dramatic gush that you see on television, just a little something that made me wonder. So, I woke up my husband and we called the on call doctor with my OB/GYN practice. At 7:30, we still had not heard back, so we called again and were told to go on into the hospital. Keep in mind, I wasn't having any contractions.



Lee and I took our time getting to the hospital. We even stopped at McDonald's for McMuffins. When we arrived, we checked in and were taken to one of the labor and delivery room. The room was very good size and had a couch, a television, a bathroom, and of course, a hospital bed with stirrups. We did not have to wait too long before a nurse came to check me out. They tested the fluid and found it not to be amniotic fluid. They still hooked me up to a fetal monitor and sent in the midwife to check me out, who re-tested the fluid and guess what! It was amniotic fluid.

Because I had waited to long to come in (4 hours) since my water had broken, the midwife started me on Pitocin to start contractions. They started but for quite a while I did not feel them. I did have a drop in blood pressure that resulted in them placing me on my side and administering oxygen for a bit. Then, I started to feel those contractions! The most frustrating part was that I couldn't move as I had wanted to move. I had these visions of being able to walk around and get in the shower and use natural methods to control my pain. By around 5 o'clock in the afternoon, I was at about 4 cm dilated and READY for an epidural.

Let me preface the following by saying that my epidural experience was one of millions, so please do not let me scare you. The anesthesiologist was an annoying man who felt the need to explain in thorough, vivid detail every step of what he was doing. He could tell that he was having a hard time with it and kept asking me if and where I was feeling twinges. I was feeling twinges alright! My right leg kept jerking. I almost changed my mind and said "FORGET IT" right then and there. But, I wanted the pain to go away. Finally, the the epidural was established and I was able to lay back down. And I waited for the pain to subside. And I waited. And I waited. Finally, I said something. The anesthesiologist came back and did a "top off dose." Again, I waited. My right leg went somewhat numb. And I waited. And I was still in pain. Again the anesthesiologist came back and offered to do a second epidural. No way!

I opted for a dose of Stadol, which I knew would not take the pain away but rather take away the knowledge that the pain even existed. In other words, its a narcotic that takes you too La La Land. La La Land, as it turns out, was exactly where I needed to be. During my time on Stadol, I embraced the pain and allowed myself to relax. I went from 6 cm to 10 cm in little over an hour. Then, my body told me to push. The "urge to push" is the most overpowering physical sensation I have ever felt. While there was still pain, the process of pushing eased the pain of the contractions extremely.

So I pushed. And I pushed. They put a mirror up so I could see and "be more motivated to push." It was terrifying and I made them put the mirror down. And I pushed. And pushed some more. Three hours later, the midwife asked if I wanted help with a vacuum. By this point, I was following asleep between pushing and knew I needed some help. I was moving the baby down, but not nearly as effectively as I needed to. So, she connected the vacuum and I pushed and between the two of us, Nathanial's head was delivered. At some point, an episiotomy was cut, though I don't remember when.

The next two minutes comprise the biggest blur of memories in my entire life. I heard the midwife call for the doctor to be paged, and I knew something was wrong. I prepared myself emotionally for an emergency C-section. I blinked and there were two labor and delivery nurses on top of me pushing on my pelvis. I remember continuing to push and feeling the pressure relieve when the baby was out. I remember asking "is he how?"

What I did know at the time was that my husband didn't get to cut the cord and the baby wasn't laying on my chest. I knew that there was merconium in the amniotic fluid and so I assumed that they were cleaning out his lungs. But there were so many people in the room. I kept asking "Is my baby okay? Is my baby going to be okay?" My doula tried to calm me down and reassure me and the midwife as well.

What I didn't know at the time is that my baby was born not breathing and without a heart beat. They did revive him and placed him on my chest for less than a minute. Nathanial was taken to the special care nursery and my husband Lee went with him, leaving my doula with me.

For the next half an hour, the midwife sewed me up. I had not only an episiotomy but also third degree tears. Still, somehow, endorphins had taken over and I was high on life. I knew my little baby was in the nursery, but I knew he was breathing and had a heart beat again. My husband returned and told me that there was an issue with his shoulder and that they were taken X-rays to see if it had been broken. The labor and delivery nurse offered to help me shower. I accepted. I ate a graham cracker and drank some apple juice. Then, I finally was wheeled into the nursery to see my baby.

There he lay with wires all attached to him and an IV in the arm that had been damaged during the birth. It was scary how not scared I was. Please don't misunderstand. I did end up falling apart, but it wasn't at the hospital. At the hospital, I was strong. At the hospital, I kept it together. For my baby and for my husband who wept many times over our son's trauma.

I was in the hospital for three days total and my baby for four. He is doing well and we are going to physical therapy with hopes that he nerve that was stretched during birth will regenerate and that he will recover with no residual effects. The name of his trouble is Erb's Palsy and what caused it was extreme shoulder dystocia (shoulders becoming stuck during birth). It was not one of those easy births seen on A Baby Story, but he is okay and so am I. Over the past six weeks I have met many other struggles including breastfeeding, infections and postpartum depression.

Please keep reading to see how things go.